Then again, what it could illustrate is that their childhood was a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met. Consequently, one is going to be grieving a time in their life when they didn’t get the love and guidance that they desperately needed. It won’t matter how many years have passed since this time in their life as coming to terms with the fact that these needs won’t be met can be similar to coming to terms with the fact that a loved one won’t ever be coming back.
This is not to say that this would have been a conscious process, though. Most likely, this would have taken place without them ever realising what was going on. One would then have been a grown adult, but they would have been behaving like a child that needed other people to fulfil certain developmental needs.
A different agenda this child part – or the child parts inside them as there will be more than one part – will want to receive all of the things that it didn’t receive all those years ago. Or to be more accurate, the child part will see life through the eyes of the child and will end up seeing others as parental figures. Therefore, while a lot will have changed since one was a child; a big part of them will still see life in the same way.
Now that they are an adult, they will have to grieve the needs that were not met by their parents/s. These would have been things that their parent/s should have given them. Just like the normal grieving process, one can then feel better and then worse; it won’t be a linear process.
If they are not aware that this how it works, they can believe that they must be doing something wrong or that what they are doing is not working. In truth, they will be doing the right thing and what they are doing will be working. A marathon, not a sprint what one will need to remember is that they most likely had year after year of not getting certain needs met.
This would then have created many layers of pain inside them, and each of these layers will need to be worked through. Taking this into account, these layers are not going to be worked through in a day, a weekend or a week. But, providing one stays with his process and doesn’t give up on themselves, their life will change.