Now, although there are many ways that masculinity can be defined, there are a number of things that are likely to be part of everyone’s understanding of it. And when it comes to the masculine element or energy, this is something that both men and women can embody. Therefore, while this article will focus on men, this doesn’t mean that men are the only ones that can be masculine.
For example, someone doesn’t need to be a social scientist to see that a lot of women are more identified with their masculine than their feminine aspect. The description anyway, if someone was asked to describe a masculine man, they could say that he will have the ability to assert himself and to stand his ground. What this then means, is that he won’t go along to get along and he won’t allow other people to walk all over him.
Additionally, he will have the ability to take action and to go after what he wants; he won’t wait around with the hope that what he wants will simply appear. Ultimately, he will know what he wants and he will have the ability to attain it. Another element what they could also say is that a man like this will be able to handle his own emotions.
He is then not going to be controlled by them and neither will he try to control them; he will be able to hold the space for how he feels. Through being able to do this, it will allow him to be there for others in the same way. So, while another person can be all over the place emotionally, he will have the ability to be like a big ship on the ocean – calm and stable.
Equipped to handle life without even going into the other aspects that are part of being a masculine man, when a man has all this in place, there is the chance that he will live a fulfilling life. The reason for this is that he will be a strong and powerful man. He won’t react to life and be at the whim of other people’s emotions, he will respond to life and behave in a way that is in alignment with who he is.
He won’t be marching to another person’s beat, he will be marching to this own. The opposite on the other hand, when a man is not very masculine, his life is going to be very different. For a man like this, it could be normal for him to please others and to let other people walk over him.
He is then going to lack a backbone, which is why he won’t have the ability to stand up for himself. Waiting around the ability to take action and to get things done will be missing, with him having the tendency to wait around. He could spend a lot of time in a very passive state, hoping that other people will do things for him.
Thus, in general, his energy will be low and he won’t have the drive that he needs to take consistent action. No matter how bad his life is, as he is not doing anything to change it, it is likely that it will only get worse over time. All at sea when it comes to his emotional self, this part of him could often wipe him out.
Instead of being able to settle other people down, he could be the one that typically looks towards other people to settle him down. But if this isn’t the case, it could be because he has just shut down. Here, his emotions won’t be in control of him, but at the same time, he won’t feel alive or be able to appreciate the life that he has been given.
A deeper look what is clear is that a man like this is not equipped to handle life; it is as though he is missing something. The energy and strength that he needs to really embrace life are not going to be available to him on a consistent basis, if at all. It is almost as if he is a shell of a man and that the part of him that would bring him to life is not there.
It would be easy to say that this is just what he is like and that he was born this way, but there is likely to be more to it. Back in time there is the chance that this man’s early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when he was severely traumatised. Perhaps he was abused and/or neglected on a regular basis.
Consequently, he would have regularly experienced fear, anxiety, rage and terror, and felt powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless and ashamed on a consistent basis. What this would have done is set him up to believe that it wasn’t safe for him to exist – and this would have caused him to disconnect from his aggression -, it would have made him believe that there was something inherently wrong with him, and it would have affected his ability to be able to regulate his own emotions. Awareness many years will have passed since that stage of his life, but he is still going to be carrying trauma.
This trauma will need to be dealt with if he is to become an integrated human being and to live a life that is worth living. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.